What He Tells Himself
by Antigone.Rose
Summary: It's not like he's cheating on her...they were never really together. At least, that's what he tells himself.


_A/N: The lastes Warehouse/Eureka crossover had basically no Claudia/Fargo in it. I did not like that. I did not like that at all. Here's my response. _

_Disclaimer: If I owned Warehouse 13 or Eureka I would combine them into one super-show called Warehouse Eureka. IT WOULD BE FABULOUS. _

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><p>It's not like he's cheating on her…they were never really together. At least, that's what he tells himself. You can feel affection for two people at once and it's fine, he's throughly convinced himself. You can love one person and want another in your bed, he tells himself that feelings like those are normal. Feelings like those are things that all people have.<p>

She had a boyfriend the first time she met him and she kissed him anyway. What he's doing is no different. If he really cared about her, he would never look at Holly anyway. If he really cared about Claudia Donovan, he'd wait for her forever. That's what people always said, so that's what he always assumed.

Douglas Fargo didn't have the best track record when it came to love. One girlfriend had disappeared when he changed the past. He felt like that gave him some lisence to be a little selfish when it came to romantic relationships. He was never really comfortable enough with himself to let another person close enough to him that they would really work.

Then he met Claudia and she was so different than anyone he'd ever encountered. They stayed in contact after his little jaunt to the Warehouse through phone calls and text messages and video chatting and he really started to like her. He realized, soon after her met her, that underneath all her bravado and loud words was a girl who had been through more than most people three times her age, a girl who was just as scared and awkward and unsure as he was. She was just better at hiding it.

He wondered where they'd be, her and him, if she'd just stayed in Eureka. He wished that she had. Her hand fit perfectly in his, her lips pressed perfectly against his. And, in his world of imperfections and absolute uncertainty, she could be his constant, his consistent piece of perfection in a sea of things that weren't.

But, she had the Warehouse and he had GD so things were hard and spread apart. Her jaunt in Eureka made him desperate for a chance, a real chance, with her. The way she made him feel…nobody else had ever made him fell like that, not ever. They lay on top of a mine and everything was wrong, but so very right. It was always like that with her. They shouldn't work, but they did. She completed him like nobody else and he loved her for it. For a shining moment, when their lips touched, he saw a future that was exciting and utterly right.

But that picture splintered and fell away as she kissed him and then left. For a few weeks, she hung over all of his thoughts. He called her constantly and they talked sometimes, but they were both too busy. He lived in a state of uncertainty. He missed her and her perfect lips and beautiful red hair.

But, then came Holly.

And Holly was _there_.

And even if he knew that a kiss with her wouldn't be perfect…it might come close. And, right then, close was the best he could hope for. Because, as much as she was beautiful and as much as she was clever and as red as her hair was…she wasn't and could never be Claudia Donavan. And nobody was perfect except for her.

But he banished her from his mind because she was too far away and it was too hard to keep doing this. So, he pursued Holly harder and more determinedly that he'd ever done with any other girl. And it didn't matter if she was more like him than he wanted, just as awkward, just as visibly unsure.

Claudia had been unsure too. But no one but him was allowed to know that.

He liked Holly. He liked her a lot. She was pretty and sweet and smart and being with her was _easy_. There were no hard edges, no hidden parts. Everything was sunny and great and he was happy. She smiled back at him and there was no mocking edge. She listened to him and called him Douglas and did the things she was supposed to.

Something was missing. He knew what it was, but he wouldn't give words to it. He wouldn't even give thought to it. But he knew. The bittersweet wasn't there, the hard edges, the dark to compliment the light.

But he held Holly closer and gave her sweet words and everything was great. Absolutely _great_.

(But not perfect.)

So when he was developing Fargames and the asked him to create their princess….how could he not choose Claudia? And when they asked him who to call if things went south…he couldn't say Holly. Holly was great, she was honey and sweetness…but if things were bad, he wouldn't want her there. He had to admit to himself that the only person he trusted almost as much as himself with computers was Claudia. So he gave them her number and told them only to call her if it was_ life or death. _

Of course, it was. She had to come and she had to save him. And then, she saw his princess. The Claudia with none of the dark, the Claudia she seemed to think he wanted. He saw the doubt on her face and, though he had determinedly avoided her up until that point, he had to talk to her.

After they were out of the game, he put a hand on her shoulder. Pete and Myka were packing up their gear, talking animatedly about their latest near-death experience. She turned and looked at him. She was prettier than he'd remembered.

"Hi." She gave him a weak smile.

"Hi." He returned it, feeling like he was falling and floating all at once. How he'd _missed_ her. "I…ahhh, thanks."

Her smile widened, became real. "Don't mention it." She ran a hand through her hair. "It's a good idea." She waved at his equipment. "If you hand my help…maybe we could make it work."

"Maybe." He agreed. "We're a good team."

"Come on, Farginator." She punched him in the shoulder. "We're the best." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He held it tight, threading her fingers through his. "I missed you." She told him.

"I missed you too." He knew he should stop, should tell her about Holly, but he was already in too deep. She was holding him in place with her hypnotic eyes.

"Claud!" Pete was straightening up. "We should go…our flight leaves in an hour."

"I thought…" She glanced over at Fargo. "I thought I might catch a later flight." She swallowed. "With how high Fargo's pulse was…somebody should keep an eye on him."

Pete shrugged. "Sure." He looked over at Myka. "Ready to head out, Mykes?"

"Claudia, are you sure you don't want us to stay?" She tilted her head to one side.

"No, no really." Claudia was looking steadily more awkward. "I'll find a flight out tomorrow."

"If you're sure…" Pete and Myka turned to leave. Fargo knew he should stop them, make Claudia go, but he just couldn't. They left the room and Claudia turned to him, a devilish look on her angular face.

"Now…" She wrapped long arms around his neck. "Let's see if we can get that pulse back up, hm?" She pressed her lips against his, kissing him fiercely. He kissed her back just as enthusiastically. He had forgotten what perfect felt like, forgotten what kissing one's soulmate was…

And as they collapsed onto the couch, he knew that he should stop this. But when she whispered in his ear, "Bedroom. Now." He was powerless to do anything but pick her up, bridal-style, and carry her to the nearest bed.

He kissed her and he hated himself.

He hated everything he was.

He hated that he would go back to Holly tomorrow and pretend like kissing her wasn't like kissing a stranger.

He hated that he loved Claudia. He hated that it would never be enough. He had his life and she had hers and it hurt them both more than he could say.

It would go away, this feeling between them. He would love Holly someday. Someday, she would be perfect. At least, that's what he told himself.

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><p><em>Yeah. Review and all that.<em>


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